8/2/20: “Disrespect is worse than hate” and Creative Autonomy #poetry
“Disrespect is worse than hate”
Representative James Clyburn, the Civil Rights Leader and South Carolina congressman said that
I paraphrase:
At least with hate, there is a sense of equality
Disrespect puts you in a position of “less than”
Now, I expand on the congressman’s insights with some of my own:
Hate is a fight with a sibling
A white nationalist might fill you with rage
you might wish them dead
and they will feel the same about you
but they don’t stop you in your tracks
and paralyze you
like a condescending person does
Disrespect is easily internalized
a good practitioner of disrespect can be really destructive
they can make you believe that you can’t do anything
that you are not worth anything
that the essence of your being is of lesser inherent value
the goal of a disrespectful person is to make you into your own oppressor
to break your spirit
Hate just makes you mad
Provokes you to conflict
Distracts you from the creative arc of your life
consumes you
moves you from an orientation of love to one of power
instigates crimes of passion
tempts your humanity to its worst aspects
but it doesn’t demean and discount your humanity in the way that disrespect does
Disrespect is like a forced injection of an addictive drug
It puts you in a state of dependence to something that isn’t good for you
You accept the condescension of the disrespectful person because you think you need them to survive
Disrespect sends you to a place of arrested development
back to when you were a little kid
and your parents told you that you couldn’t do something
and that you weren’t capable of deciding
and they were right then of course
you were just a little kid
If you were lucky enough to have good parents
they took care of you
did the thing for you
made the wise decision
and then tried to teach you why
and over time you assumed control
guided by the experience of having your parents determine your life’s course
until you were ready
The disrespectful person is a surrogate parent with bad intentions
They tell you to obey them
they tell you that they will determine what is good and bad for you
right and wrong
what you should value and what you should not value
They will assess your work product, creativity and direction
They decide what you deserve
they judge you in a kangaroo court
not to educate and guide and protect you
(even as they trip some pathway in your brain that can deceive you as to their intentions)
They usurp control from you to pursue their own agendas
to exploit you
to steal from you
to beat you in a competition before it begins
or probably the most common motivation
(and the other motivations are plenty common)
they diminish you to feel better about themselves
They humiliate you
for a petty and superficial sensation of feeling superior to you
but that is their own pathology
Almost always
the disrespectful person actually fears you
They envy you
and perhaps they distrust you
You are a big six foot eight athlete
so they put their knee on your neck in order to claim superiority in terms of physical strength and power
and slowly murder you
for example
Hatred
which is often misdirected toward people who aren’t the real source of the hate
comes from some buried legitimate complaint
The white nationalist has been consistently abased and abused — lower class, uneducated, impoverished
by other white people
but the nationalist has also internalized the disrespect
Instead of confronting his oppressors
he turns on black people
who those who disrespect him have told him are fair game
He doesn’t know it
but the white nationalist strangely confronts the black person as an equal
Donald Trump disrespects black people
he doesn’t hate them
they can box and sing at his casinos
they can dance in entrepreneurial minstrel shows
businessmen and preachers selling on commission for him
getting crumbs from the table
dying at his rallies
9 – 9 – 9 !!!!
It’s worse than hate
He, and the thousands like him in the here and now and for many generations — mid-century manipulators, get white nationalists to hate black people
as a way to keep both groups down
The Disrespectful don’t treat you as a threat
They objectify you
they treat you as their property
You exist in their construct
as a thing to be used to get them
stuff
could be money
could be just an air of superiority
or a good laugh
The African – American experience with hatred and disrespect is highly instructive because it is such an extreme example of abuse and injustice
but it is only the leading example
America (which may be changing, thank God) is a culture of disrespect
Mike Nichols said that Paul Sills was the only person that he ever knew
who didn’t “rank” people when he met them
I had that experience with Paul too
It is a primary reason that I loved him
He treated everyone with respect — he was blind to social status of any kind
he did not assess people from perspectives of money or fame or power
Another primary reason that I loved Paul
was that he recognized me
he recognized the quality of my work
He recognized my essence as a person
It wasn’t that he completely understood me or my work
but he looked intensely at me and it
and supported me with love and respect
a respect that was deserved by sheer dint of my humanity
and specific related to my particular gifts
Paul had a different ranking system’
how true was something
how much love was in it
how much of it would develop individuals and community
Paul was not parental
He treated me as an equal
My memories of Paul have nothing to do with him as an improvisation teacher and director
He was mentor to me
He showed me what an artist is
and that I was one
I don’t think I ever remember Paul using the word “art”
but that’s what he was
and God introduced Paul into my life so that I could not only be what I am
but also see what I am
So that I could more effective
and life could be less painful
So that I wasn’t confused about what was important
and so that I could be constantly attentive to the instructive voice God put inside me
and give that voice ultimate authority, supreme to any rule, group or person — including myself and my own ego and desires
I honor something within me that is much more than me
Paul didn’t tell me any of this
I created a constellation of spirit and growth based on my interactions with Paul
I CREATED something
Knowing Paul introduced me to the idea of “creative autonomy”
(I use that phrase here — Paul didn’t speak of such things, he just did them — or at least impressed me that such possibility was inside him, if unrealized …. Paul was kind of like Moses — one sensed that he could point others to the Promised Land but somehow could never get there himself …. he was a “teacher” …. he spoke of improvisation as “the family business” … such limiting ideas … and yet he saw greatness for me … I was Lenny Bruce and Thoreau … I did “the greatest piece of American theater in 25 years” … he relegated himself to service … I made him happy because I was one of the few talented people that he worked with who shared his values … he celebrated his actors’ successes in show business but he knew it wasn’t good enough … all of the founders of Second City with the exception of David Shepherd had a conflict between art and commerce — and the commerce side cheapened everything and led to a frustration … Paul knew what art was and never really figured out how to do it, and he left it to me. To my knowledge I am the only artist that Second City ever produced — there are many more people who are just as or more talented than I am — But I am the only one that I know of that has the insight into what art is … I got to the Promised Land … I just don’t care about the prisons that the others are trapped in … )
So … Paul didn’t teach me about creative autonomy
he saw it in me
and just regarded me as having it
which I do (chuckle)
It took me years to understand my interaction with Paul Sills
So simple
He just saw who I was and regarded me as an equal
and had a loving appreciation for the best of my character and actions
Paul was a major artist of the twentieth century
in spite of himself
and we are all artists in spite of ourselves
if we artists
(I pinch myself to think that God gave me the opportunity to know someone like that — in a real way)
His major artistic achievement in my view
(which was unconsciously arrived at
as all artistic achievement is)
is that he didn’t participate in the American culture of disrespect
He provided an alternative
It took me years to internalize Paul Sills’ respect for me and turn it into full blown self-respect
the prerequisite for creative autonomy
When I was very young I came at life guns-a-blazing, full of mirth and talk and ideas
I was born with a charismatic and dynamic nature
and then, naturally, I was slapped down
who did I think I was
I had to be disabused of my notions of equality and outspoken freedom
I internalized the waves of disrespect that washed over me
and subsequently lacked a certain confidence
Then I tried to please those who would limit and dismiss me
Maybe they were right, I thought
I’d do as they say
and “succeed”
They broke all of their promises of reward
refused to recognize that I had fulfilled all of their requirements
and either mocked me, unfairly punished me, slandered me, treated me harshly
or simply ignored me
banished me to go sit in a corner
and forgot me there
Then I went into years of anger
not hate exactly
I never even imagined myself hurting anyone
It isn’t in my nature to want vengeance
But I began to demand equality
I didn’t take any shit from anybody
I actually made progress with this stance
Ironically it was this defiance
that got me societal respect in some quarters
as a lawyer, a professor and a writer
I took all the unrecognized work from my years in the cold
and turned it into something
but this societal respect was not of the same high quality of the respect that I received from Paul Sills
who was beyond society
the respect that is the prerequisite for creative autonomy
Now I give that respect to myself
I determine what is meaningful for me
I assess the quality of my work
I am not dependent on the recognition of the world
I am immune to it
I am too preoccupied working on this writing
trying to make some expression of my personal truth
than to ultimately care what you think of it
This does not make me alienated from the world and society as one might expect
The opposite is true
We live in a terrible and exciting time
Huge social forces are demanding a world of respect
in contest with entrenched but failing forces who want to hold fast to their condescending control
I want the $600 unemployment relief
and universal health care
and economic justice
and good and fair housing, food security and education
a righteous criminal justice system
I want people to have the fundaments of life secured
so that they can grow into their creative autonomies
I don’t have the time or energy to argue with anyone over my worthiness anymore
I’m worthy — get over it
Fate can be unkind
but if you know what is right fortune will never desert you
The chronology that I gave of my development to a state of creative autonomy is a little misleading
because it is a chronology
actually all of these moments swirl around each other in one moment
more Jackson Pollock than Diego Rivera
Nothing linear about these matters
Each state of being —- respect, disrespect, hate, creative autonomy and all the others are separate colors
dripped and splattered on the canvas of my individual and our collective lives
Psychology, sociology, political science, philosophy, history, theology all darting avoiding and colliding into each other
ethics and morality shot into a particle accelerator
the physical properties of the soul
what is simply is
it is the level of our consciousness that is the complex challenge.
Copyright 2020 Richard Thomas
Like this:
Like Loading...
