12/29/20: Epiphany #poetry #huntersthompson #gandhi
Mysticism is art without craft
I’m on to something real
searching for a concrete thing upon which to alight
looking for that thin diaphanous thing
that thing like an insect’s wing
translucent and negligible
just enough of the world
the fucking world
you can’t search for it
you have to wait
look at this documentary
maybe this will work
maybe this will be just enough to give me words
all I need is words
not this thing though
making excuses for a writer
he has great love and compassion and cruelty and meanness
don’t we all …
he was too much of his time …
his popularity was based on his expression of a zeitgeist
he was a mirror of his people
his fucked up people
(I won’t give you his name … I don’t want to give you that much world this morning … this is an experiment … how little of the world can I give you … you don’t need any more world … and I think my connection is weakening to the exact proportion that I need)
don’t work
don’t fix things
don’t rebel or smash the windows of the rich
don’t rebel at all
you’re not fifteen years old
don’t be a patriot
a patriot believes in an American ideal and fights for it
democracy, decency, freedom
or feels helpless
and finds the power of the powerless
and fells empires like trees
but even nobility can be reactionary
and acting is not re-acting except in Hollywood
If you want to change the world
change yourself
be whatever you are
when you listen to the dictates of your inner voice
Gandhi said all the wars should be fought in the theater of the mind
go into a room and face yourself
and write write write
live with your multiple personalities
everyone you ever met
that felt good bad or indifferent
feel wounds that healed decades ago
rip them open
observe all of your reactions
recognize an equality between yourself and the world
and decide that the world can’t make up your mind for you
and you can’t dominate the world either
be alone in the public
write your life like a non-fiction novel
make your outer life a subtle expression of your real life
this writer in this documentary needs drugs
he needs conflict
F. Scott Fitzgerald saw the system as rigged
he just looked at it
and became its victim
writing screenplays unworthy of his talent to survive
and this guy in the doc
wants to smash the system
there is another way
the world is a man made thing — MacArthur Genius Grants and Pulitzer Prizes and Viet Nam Wars, the Best and the Brightest
Creation comes from God
and there is an abundance
you get what you need
people money opportunity
it’s not the Big Rock Candy Mountain
It’s kind of like an ashram
but if you rely upon a community instead of just be there, it all goes bad
the world that manmade contraption is just a thing to understand
creation is something to be
The job is to give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and give to God what is God’s
and don’t mess with Mr. In-between
This is a psychedelic poem
I don’t take drugs or need them
except the meds of reality
I knew what to do on the day I was born
and I’ve done it and do it
I had just one little problem which caused me great pain
I naively thought everybody was the way I am
but many people hated what I am
and came after me
the Frankenstein monster chased by the ignorant villagers
insanely going from village to village hoping things would be different
periodically making progress in exile
I understood each trial
and then released it back to the damnable world
and returned to creation
Can you tell things are going really well for me right now?
I have love, I have money, I have my writing, I have an open road, I have a release from my pain …. I understand … I am separate from the world
how can you have a relationship with something that you are a part of?
You can’t
How can you unite with something you belong to?
You can’t
We’re born dependent and wild
we’re born who we are in need of other people to survive
then we get antsy
and rebel with romance and our own ideas
struggling to breathe
then we age
and know we are going to die
and experience a little loneliness and learn it doesn’t feel good
we’re introduced to envy
and see other people getting things —- money and fucks and fame and power
that’s envy ONE
and see other people creating in ways that we think we might
that’s envy TWO
Envy TWO is useful
it’s a reminder of the little acorn in your soul that emerged when you your mother’s pain changed to her fulfillment and joy
Envy ONE is your brand of oppression — it’s a reminder of the abuse that you felt as a result of your father’s frustration
So you put on your work gloves and an apron
work work work work
co-dependent with other struggling sad sacks
the work makes you unhappy as a rat in a labyrinth when you do it for Daddy
and it’s useless in the pursuit of your true calling as mama’s pride and joy
poor bifurcated you
you breakdown and breakout
and you become an outlaw
fuck them all
you are happy by yourself
wandering the streets and bookstores and theaters of New York
carrying yourself as an aristocrat at your telemarketing job
searching for home
Odysseus
useless
some politician says that women don’t have to find their voice, they just have to express it
right no searching
but wrong — she makes it sound easy
right, you don’t find a voice
no searching
but you wait for it
you die to the world and come to birth from within
then RETURN
not to the world
but to
CREATION.
Postscript:
the Pandemic is a chance for co-dependent adults to become outlaws
and for outlaws to become lovers.
Of course, the world will be filled with assholes who ignore what is going on and will kill millions of people
for nothing
for a couple of bucks and a second of soon to be forgotten power and glory …
but it will be quite a few years before the consciousness of man eliminates all stupid and selfish assholes
and Paradise is Now.
Have a great New Year.
Copyright 2020 Richard Thomas
