12/27/20: Restless Morning #poetry

12/27/20: Restless Morning #poetry

Mysticism is art without craft

I’m on to something real

searching for a concrete thing upon which to alight

looking for that thin diaphanous thing

that thing like an insect’s wing

translucent and negligible

just enough of the world

the fucking world

you can’t search for it

you have to wait

look at this documentary

maybe this will work

maybe this will be just enough to give me words

all I need is words

not this thing though

making excuses for a writer

he has great love and compassion and cruelty and meanness

don’t we all …

he was too much of his time …

his popularity was based on his expression of a zeitgeist

he was a mirror of his people

his fucked up people

(I won’t give you his name … I don’t want to give you that much world this morning … this is an experiment … how little of the world can I give you … you don’t need any more world … and I think my connection is weakening to the exact proportion that I need)

don’t work

don’t fix things

don’t rebel or smash the windows of the rich

don’t rebel at all

you’re not fifteen years old

don’t be a patriot

a patriot believes in an American ideal and fights for it

democracy, decency, freedom

or feels helpless

and finds the power of the powerless

and fells empires like trees

but even nobility can be reactionary

and acting is not re-acting except in Hollywood

If you want to change the world

change yourself

be whatever you are

when you listen to the dictates of your inner voice

Gandhi said all the wars should be fought in the theater of the mind

go into a room and face yourself

and write write write

live with your multiple personalities

everyone you ever met

that felt good bad or indifferent

feel wounds that healed decades ago

rip them open

observe all of your reactions

recognize an equality between yourself and the world

and decide that the world can’t make up your mind for you

and you can’t dominate the world either

be alone in the public

write your life like a non-fiction novel

make your outer life a subtle expression of your real life

this writer in this documentary needs drugs

he needs conflict

F. Scott Fitzgerald saw the system as rigged

he just looked at it

and became its victim

writing screenplays unworthy of his talent to survive

and this guy in the doc

wants to smash the system

there is another way

the world is a man made thing — MacArthur Genius Grants and Pulitzer Prizes and Viet Nam Wars, the Best and the Brightest

Creation comes from God

and there is an abundance

you get what you need

people money opportunity

it’s not the Big Rock Candy Mountain

It’s kind of like an ashram

but if you rely upon a community instead of just be there, it all goes bad

the world that manmade contraption is just a thing to understand

creation is something to be

The job is to give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and give to God what is God’s

and don’t mess with Mr. In-between

This is a psychedelic poem

I don’t take drugs or need them

except the meds of reality

I knew what to do on the day I was born

and I’ve done it and do it

I had just one little problem which caused me great pain

I naively thought everybody was the way I am

but many people hated what I am

and came after me

the Frankenstein monster chased by the ignorant villagers

insanely going from village to village hoping things would be different

periodically making progress in exile

I understood each trial

and then released it back to the damnable world

and returned to creation

Can you tell things are going really well for me right now?

I have love, I have money, I have my writing, I have an open road, I have a release from my pain …. I understand … I am separate from the world

how can you have a relationship with something that you are a part of?

You can’t

How can you unite with something you belong to?

You can’t

We’re born dependent and wild

we’re born who we are in need of other people to survive

then we get antsy

and rebel with romance and our own ideas

struggling to breathe

then we age

and know we are going to die

and experience a little loneliness and learn it doesn’t feel good

we’re introduced to envy

and see other people getting things —- money and fucks and fame and power

that’s envy ONE

and see other people creating in ways that we think we might

that’s envy TWO

Envy TWO is useful

it’s a reminder of the little acorn in your soul that emerged when you your mother’s pain changed to her fulfillment and joy

Envy ONE is your brand of oppression — it’s a reminder of the abuse that you felt as a result of your father’s frustration

So you put on your work gloves and an apron

work work work work

co-dependent with other struggling sad sacks

the work makes you unhappy as a rat in a labyrinth when you do it for Daddy

and it’s useless in the pursuit of your true calling as mama’s pride and joy

poor bifurcated you

you breakdown and breakout

and you become an outlaw

fuck them all

you are happy by yourself

wandering the streets and bookstores and theaters of New York

carrying yourself as an aristocrat at your telemarketing job

searching for home

Odysseus

useless

some politician says that women don’t have to find their voice, they just have to express it

right no searching

but wrong — she makes it sound easy

right, you don’t find a voice

no searching

but you wait for it

you die to the world and come to birth from within

then RETURN

not to the world

but to

CREATION.

Postscript:

the Pandemic is a chance for co-dependent adults to become outlaws

and for outlaws to become lovers.

Of course, the world will be filled with assholes who ignore what is going on and will kill millions of people

for nothing

for a couple of bucks and a second of soon to be forgotten power and glory …

but it will be quite a few years before the consciousness of man eliminates all stupid and selfish assholes

and Paradise is Now.

Have a great New Year.

Copyright 2020 Richard Thomas

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