6/14/20: I Write To … #poetry

6/14/20: I Write To … #poetry

I write to hear myself

to listen to what I think

to catalogue what I know

to process all of my thoughts and emotions

to make my life my own

to keep my life my own

African-Americans

my heroes

my teachers

archetypes of my psyche

dream figure victims of injustice

noble figures struggling

thrown in quicksand and left there

for dead

valiantly trying to climb to solid ground

Stunned by the violence

physical

material

spiritual

violence

trying to get beyond it all

and live in the joy of their immense potential

Sometimes purposeful

sometimes flailing

strong

with knees occasionally buckling

under the burden of white oppression …

African-Americans argue with the white power structure

asserting that they suffer and feel

they hurt

they demand justice

THEY DO NOT HAVE TO TELL US THAT THEY ARE EQUAL OR IN PAIN

THEY DO IT FOR US

IT IS AN ACT OF LOVE FOR THEM TO TELL US HOW WE MAKE THEM FEEL

WE DON’T DESERVE THAT LOVE

THEY’VE SAID IT FOR 400 YEARS

WE HAVE TO GIVE IT TO THEM NOW FOR CHRIST’S SAKE

OR THEY SHOULD JUST TELL US TO FUCK OFF

AT A CERTAIN POINT, ONE WONDERS WHY THEY EVEN WANT TO BE PART OF THIS SOCIETY

they can’t keep asking our permission to live in their God-given equality

having to ask in itself is unequal

TIME’S UP

TIME TO UNDERSTAND

AFTER 400 FUCKING YEARS

IF YOU DON’T GET IT

I DEMAND MY FUCKING RIGHTS

EVERY FUCKING LEGAL, MORAL AND NATURAL RIGHT THAT I AM ENTITLED TO

OTHER THAT GO FUCK YOURSELF

I DON’T NEED YOU

YOUR INSULTS AND LIES AND BROKEN DEALS

The bartering

the fighting

the demanding

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Fuck them

fuck the white power structure

you don’t need their permission for a goddam thing

you don’t have to be an entrepreneur or live any other way they tell everybody is the way to live

you don’t have to amass money

or be the new master

you can be who you are right now

the condescension doesn’t  have to bother you

Fuck them

do whatever you goddam please

know that they will kill you

rape you

steal from you

so avoid them

they aren’t worth it

not to say that you don’t fight them when you have to defend yourself

but fuck them really

You have been leading the rest of us

making concrete America

making moral America

You keep leading us to being better people

But fuck us now

Really — enough is enough

at a certain point a shitty student just isn’t worth the energy

You have loved us so much and we haven’t deserved it

get over that

we’ve exhausted you

depleted you

Some of us are complete assholes and the rest of us are dense fools

Fuck us

Do what you want

Pay us no mind

You are too good for us

First you really love somebody or group or job or thing

and you feel like they love you

then you can’t breathe

something is wrong

why? why?

You’re trying to get along

why are they like this

and the next step is that you see the truth of the assholes that you loved

and they weren’t worth it

Black people you have been denied dignity by people who don’t have any

Don’t work with them

or belong with them

Protect yourself from them

and do whatever you fucking please

and think about yourselves in any way that you fucking please

don’t let trash define you

You came to this continent as innocents

You have been abused children for 400 years

You looked up to us

You expected help from us

You loved us

We wounded you

grave wounds

we were jealous and tried to destroy all of your genius

some of you were martyrs

some of you adapted to our bullshit

and became almost one of us

but sensing that dreadful difference at all times

some of you became enraged and fought back

answered violence for violence

None of you were wrong

I write to know what I think

I process my own life

I identify with you more than I have a right to

You go somewhere

you work hard

you care

you help people

you ignore the bossy

for as long as you can

and then you finally realize that you can’t associate with the bossy anymore

You are better than the bossy

and you leave

History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake

I don’t want to care anymore

I don’t want to care about my wounds anymore

I don’t want to care about where I don’t fit in

I don’t want to care what other people think about what I am doing

I hate assessments

I hate grades

I don’t think I care about that bullshit anymore

I have never acted like I cared

I don’t think that I have ever acted like I cared

I learned at every stop

about myself

and the little shreds of connection

a person here, a person there

I honestly believe that I am better than every person, place or thing who ever said that they were better than me

I don’t think that I am rebellious

I think that I should be honored as a guest wherever I go

I never signed up to be used as a tool

I’m not a slave

I believe in mastery

and I don’t believe in masters

I think that the shaming to be doing something

the persistent hectoring

you should you should you should

is an assault

a pummeling

I have to block the punches

and dance around the ring

avoid the hassle

stay in place

don’t get infected

I don’t do

I be

I be and I do when I have the opportunity

and the opportunity comes

it always comes

if you be every day

I have no problem with suffering

I want to end this type of suffering

I don’t want power

except over my own life

and I want equality

and no one ultimately can give those things

but me

Oh they can fuck with me sometimes

but they can’t hurt me

I’m almost on to them

I’m almost there

We shall overcome.

Copyright 2020 Richard Thomas

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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